Words: Tina Jane

NEW IMPROVED FAG HAG.. (skinnier, sluttier and more evil than before.)

Hello again readers. I’m back. For those of you who don’t know who I am– I used to write for DS before I left Honkers to live in Amsterdam. It was alright there, but one year of smoking weed, getting chubby and looking like every other face in the crowd was enough for me. So I swung back into Central, snatched my old life back and became a special one again. That’s one of the best things about good old HK, it’s always there willing to give the ex-pat fools who left another chance. Especially if you already have your Permanent Residents Card. A few of the old muckers might have left, but there are always new and interesting characters to party with. Unlike London, where everyone has a baby now and a trip to Primark and Toys’R’us is the weekend highlight.

So if there are any lezzers looking for the Pussy Talk column I’m afraid it’s Tough Titty. Betty and Abby are no longer in the building and you’re gonna have to deal with me twittering on about boys for a while. It was the publisher, Lamster’s descision. He plays with his writers, swapping us around like little pawns in a chess game. Ha! Actually, the wonderful Betty and Abby are snowed-under rescuing puppies, growing organic herbs and adopting Hong Kong lesbians. So it’s time for them to take a rest for a while. Bye bye Betty, Betty bye bye.

So even though I am loving being back in HK, I needed to get out of the place for the sweaty Summer. All that humidity makes me itch. Fag Hag is on the road for 3 months So I’ll be writing about my escapes and gorgeous hot studs, straight and gay as I go. The plan is: Istanbul, Yorkshire, Glastonbury, London, New York, Miami, Memphis (for Elvis week), New Orleans, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and finishing off at The Burning Man festival.

Istanbul was a cool and very pretty city- but the men are out of control. Muslims are similar to Catholics, not encouraged to talk freely about sex so they become demented by the thought of getting a portion. It was bloody relentless, a single white female tourist is fair game to any guy. They will hound you till you crumble (only once and he was gorgeous, so I got off quite lightly) and they don’t mind sharing. I was offered several threesomes. One of these indecent proposals even came in the Blue Mosque, which is meant to be one of the most holy mosques in the world. It doesn’t seem to matter about how old they were, two teenage lads followed me to my hotel and asked to come in, a wrinkled fisherman old enough to be my grandfather tried it on while I took snapshots at the docks.

I’m gonna skip my home town, as the lads there are about as exciting as a pint of Dandelion and Burdock, and I don’t think you all need to read more about London, so let’s cut to the chase and get to amazing crazy Glastonbury. 185, 000 people there to listen to music, get high and shag in hot sweaty tents (at 30°C it was the hottest Glastonbury ever). I came back battered, bruised, scratched, burnt and very very sore with no voice and no money. Can’t imagine how I’m going to top or even equal the 5 days I had there at Burning Man but I’m gonna try. Bring it on.

Bye bye till next month, kisses,

FH.

Tina Jane, natural born alpha female, fag hag extraordinaire, animal rights activist.