Word: Betty Grisoni and Abby Lee

For a while now, we have put off writing about a specific theme. Not because we were afraid to talk about it but because the clichés that such a subject would bring. It is nevertheless one of the subjects that our community is pretty much obsessed about. No, it is not sex, our column on sex will come soon, don’t you worry. We are talking about ‘coming out’. Yes, that figure of speech we, LGBT people, use ‘to describe our disclosing of our sexual orientation and gender identity’.

Before starting on the great debate, let’s talk about the origin of the term. It is said to be an analogy of the young upper-class women making their formal presentations to society. So us, making known that we like/love/lust for the same gender is our début. We have either done it, almost done it or not done it at all. To come-out or not to come-out. Your degree of coming out either generates respect, scorn or mock. The great debate never ends.

Many are comfortable and happy in being LGBT among other LGBT people but once out of our community, it is the ‘don’t ask – don’t tell’ rule that prevails even if that person is happy to display many of the external, if not stereotyped, signs which pretty much everyone would recognize as the indication of the persons sexual orientation. We are not making any judgments here; we are just stating the facts. Many members of the entertainment industry are particularly prone to do that. It seems that coming-out would be negative for their careers. Would it really? Did Adam Lambert lose the last season of American Idol because of the ‘rumors’ regarding his sexual orientation? Would some fabulously famous canto-pop singers (men and women) be ostracized and banned from performing those amazing concerts if they disclosed they were LGBT? Would some sexy Hollywood hunks need to say goodbye to the red carpet if they finally tell the world that the gorgeous men they are often photographed with are indeed their boyfriends.

Yes, we recognize that coming-out is a deeply personal experience. Coming-out to one’s parents must be one of the most difficult choices a LGBT person has to make. It is a choice and not an obligation. However, many parents are already aware of their son or daughter’s sexual orientations and hearing the words can sometimes be a relief for both parties. However, sometimes it is not. Teenagers are thrown on the street by homophobic parents or already strained parent/child relationships become even more difficult after the secret is out. What about adults who are in committed relationships and living with their lovers/partners? We have chosen to be both out to our families but we always feel for those who have to hide their relationships. It must be so difficult and it always reminds us the old but great movie directed by Ang Lee: The Wedding Banquet. If you haven’t seen it, go and buy the DVD now! It’s a wonderful coming-out movie with a Chinese twist.

Coming out at work is also a big thing and a choice that a few of us decide to make. Work is about work and many of us straight or gay want to keep our private life just that, private. What we do outside work shouldn’t matter to our bosses or colleagues.

But really, if you think about it, coming-out shouldn’t matter. Being proud of who we are with everyone should be celebrated. It is true that Harvey Milk, the famous gay activist said: ‘Gay brothers and sisters… You must come out… to your parents… Come out to your relatives… come out to your friends… if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbours… to your fellow workers… once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions’. He was a great man with tremendous courage. We don’t have to follow his advice to the letter but we should at least be happy with our choices and be proud of who we are discreetly or not.

If you agree or disagree with us, let us know at lespechesinfo@yahoo.com.