Word: Betty Grisoni and Abby Lee

Yep, it is that time of the year. … Christmas and New Year are over but Chinese New Year is coming up very soon. Did you enjoy the parties, the gatherings, the family reunions? We went to a lot of parties ourselves – straight, gay and lesbian ones and we realised one thing. In Hong Kong, gay and lesbians tend not to socialise together much. We don’t really go to the same parties. We went to a few gay men parties where the number of women could be counted on one hand and a couple of lesbian ones where no men were to be seen. This lead to the questions: Why – in Hong Kong – gay men and lesbians don’t seem to mix too well. Can gay men and lesbians be friends? Do gay men party more than lesbians? Are gay men more visible?

Let’s have a look at a couple of theories:

- The ‘number ‘theory: This theory supposes that there are more gay men than lesbians therefore gay men tend to be more visible hence have more parties (with more gay men than gay women). Some surveys suggest that there are about twice as many gay men as lesbian. If we follow that theory it is the size that counts. It might be true and that would explain a lot.

- The ‘gay men love to party more’ theory: There is a little misconception among a lot of you ‘boys’ that we ladies live very quiet in-house lives. The cliché of lesbians ‘raising cats and enjoying macramé at house parties’ is just plain untrue. Lesbians and bi-sexual women can hold jammed packed crazy parties. We love to go out and about and even pick up if we get lucky.

- The ‘sisterhood’ theory: We are all guilty as charged on that one. At times, lesbians, bi-sexual women and women in general like to be among themselves. It is a sisterhood thing. Boys, we know you are guilty of that too. We are not sure exactly why but sometimes it is fun to be among sisters only. The appeal of sisterhood can be really powerful.

- The ‘gay men hate lesbians’ theory: We actually think that is nonsense. If you are a gay man and agree with this theory, you have a lot of growing up to do. We believe that sexual minorities should be fighting together against the human right abuse that is homophobia. Homophobia from within or without is totally unacceptable and needs to be challenged, wherever it comes from.

- The ‘discretion’ theory: With this theory, it is assumed that women (in Hong Kong maybe a little bit more than elsewhere) have a tendency to be a little more discreet about their sexuality than men. We think that there is a little truth in that one.

- The ‘society gender role’ theory: In Hong Kong, women and men (of all sexual orientation) tend to live and socialise a little apart from each other. Schools are mostly non-mix, in the office women and men colleagues prefer their own ‘kind’. If you go to a party men and women are likely to split into two distinct groups. Look next time. This might be also true when it comes to gay men and lesbians.

The above are only a few theories that might not cover everything but might explain a few bits and pieces. We think that gender or sexual orientation shouldn’t be an issue when it comes to friends and parties. Life should be like a party, diversity makes it more interesting.

We would love to know what you think. Write to Les Peches at lespehes@yahoo.com.