Word: Betty Grisoni and Abby Lee

On one of our nights out with the boys, we met a lovely lesbian who lives in Shanghai. After the usually ‘who-do-you-know-I-know’ questions and answers, we quickly started to talk about the first impressions our new friend had about Hong Kong and its LGBT scene. She had only praises, with a special mention on how friendly our male counterparts are in the territory. Then she dropped the bomb… a little before we arrived, she was told by a tall handsome young gay man: “You have no breasts, you must be a lesbian”. Of course she knew it was a joke (maybe not the best one) but hey it was late and the gentleman’s not so gentlemanly comment could have been blamed on the couple of vodka based cocktails drank earlier. This anecdote brings us to the topic of this month’s column: what is it with breasts and gay men? Is obsession with breasts written into the DNA of every man regardless of sexual orientation?

We are women and yes, we have these two bumps of flesh at the front and top of our abdomens. As lesbians we especially see the attraction, the warmth, the roundness, the softness, the sheer beautiful perfection of a perfectly shaped breast, big or not. The list could be endless. We might do a little bit of ogling and we might mention breasts in a few conversations but it is in the company of gay men that we hear the most comments regarding these bouncy little things. This is generally not a problem and can be really funny but as one of us can testify, innocent words and at times, vulgar jokes can quickly lead to little out-of-line gestures. These can go from gentle pokes to rather painful two full-hand gropes. These actions are usually accompanied by a smile and a ‘Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I am gay’.

Well, I think I can speak for most women here, straight or gay. We do worry. If you are a friend that did the deed, we might find it remotely humorous and will roll our eyes, laugh nervously and try to forget about the all thing with a sip of our vodka cranberry. If you are a stranger, our reaction will range from shock, disbelief, disgust and anger. We don’t like being groped by straight/gay/bi men, straight/gay/bi gay women or transgender people pre or post-op. We don’t like having parts of our bodies manhandled by strangers without our consent. Harsh and exaggerated? Yes, a little but it’s true we don’t like to be touched by strangers and groped even less.

Let’s turn the situation around. How would you feel if a random woman (pretty or not) grabbed your package, not particularly gently, while saying ‘Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I am a lesbian’. Somehow we don’t think it will go down too well. There might be some exceptions, but in general we are pretty sure that the groper, a woman in this case, would be rebuked pretty quickly.

In the straight world, grabbing a woman’s breasts is a big no-no for straight men. Why do gay men think it is ok? Does taking out the sexual feelings out of the gesture make it acceptable? Isn’t that a bit sexist, boys?

If groping was simply a gesture of envy then it must be jealousy that made you do it. Not much better if we can say so. Lesbians, and even some women-who-love-men, are also at times guilty of envy for some attributes of the masculine gender. Yes, we are obviously talking about penis envy but not only that. A gay man friend of ours who regularly comes to Les Peches (a lesbian party) mentioned that he often has his bearded face stroked by envious ladies. So yes, we are also guilty as charged.

Let us know what you think. Write to us at lespechesinfo@yahoo.com