Text‭: ‬Danielle Spencer‭

U-Haul overhaul

Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?

A: A U-Haul.

Q: What does a gay man bring on a second date?

A: What second date?

This joke has been around for decades and yet it is still incredibly relevant.

But why do we do this to ourselves?

I myself have now been through this process three times. Once even starting a relationship with my flat-mate – jumping past the casual dating phase and going straight into the happily married phase. This quickly turned into ‘unhappily married’ and ended up with me moving to a different country for a short period of time.

This pattern sounds convoluted as well as financially and emotionally draining doesn’t it? It is also an extreme version of an incredibly typical lesbian story.

I do have a few theories as to why this happens though:

1 – The Urge to Merge Theory

Some commentators have theorized that the urge to merge is used by lesbians as an escape from the risks of dating and we may well be skipping the dating phase to avoid having any discussions on the important issues that hetro and gay male couples would normally have before moving in together and buying a litter of cats. The short dating span virtually eliminates serious discussion on compatibility prior to moving in, which can make itself manifest in various problems down the road.

Apparently we do this because we didn’t have relationships in our teenage years – whilst in the closet. But why then don’t gay men do this? The plot thickens…

2 – The ‘I’m too nice to break your heart and say no’ Theory

Believe it or not, there are some lesbians out there who have experienced U-hauling before and like to take it slow. However, these lesbians are few and far between and so they often get into relationships with people who are u-haulers.

When the u-haler asks her to move in, she says yes – because they don’t want to break the u-hauler’s heart. They are also acutely aware that if they say no – it could mean the end of the relationship because the other person might see it as a bit of a rejection of her affections. The forethought that because they have been pressured into a living together situation – that cohabiting might also result in a break-up, doesn’t actually sink in, until the first two weeks of honeymoon period have past. Doom, gloom and regular panic attacks occur for an unspecified amount of time until the U-haul company is called once more.

4 – The Low Income Theory

Sharing a place in Hong Kong just makes good financial sense – maybe we are just being practical and logical about things. Yeah, right…

5 – The Beloved Pet Theory

Lesbians like cats… lets not avoid the stereotype here. What if the pet owner really loves her pet cat kitty winkles and can’t bear to be apart. The sex starved other half of the pet lover offers for the woman and kitty winkles to move in with her. Allergic reactions and arguments about cleaning the litter tray ensue.

5 – The ‘I’m not good enough for anyone to love me’ Tortured, Insecure Lesbian Theory

Women everywhere, not just lesbians, don’t like themselves. Fat thighs, failed relationships, bikers leather and crew cuts – all contribute to this… So when some of us find someone who shows affection, we create a place in the wardrobe after two weeks, hand over a set of keys after three and after arranging for them to meet the family four weeks later – you ask them to move in permanently. This creates a false sense of security that comes with the idea that if you live with your girlfriend, then you must be in a stable long-term relationship. Unfortunately this is often short lived.

6 – The First Girlfriend Theory

Too obvious to go into here – but please continue to try not to make that mistake again!

My advice is that if you want your relationship to last, don’t go calling the moving company within the first year – just wait a little longer to see if your frog has turned into the princess of your dreams.

to help out a traveller in need…just tell him he’s ‘jalsaeng kyuta’ and he’ll do anything for you!