The Cockpit December 2012
Words: James Gannaban
A young friend bemoaned the state of his relationship to us, over Facebook private messages.
I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for almost 4 months now. I really, really love the guy. We have a connection. We have our differences and we also love some of the same things. The thing is, his colleagues and his family don’t know he’s gay. We kind of have to live the ‘private life’ and keep it on the down low. And because he works all day from Monday to Friday, we rarely get to see each other. We only see each other every Saturday.
Ah, to be young and so passionately in love! Don’t weremember having been there, engulfed by nothing but an awesome and all-consuming feeling?
We’re hardly qualified to dispense relationship advice. Lord knows we’ve made fucked up decisions where romance is concerned. We’ve dealt with physical abuse (to which we shockingly responded with equal abusiveness), we’ve tried to save the suicidal (to which – to our shame – we responded with immediate abandonment), we’ve even tried to “help” a minister’s son in the sincere belief that our love is more powerful than familial loyalty or personal happiness (it wasn’t).
The stupidest thing we’ve ever done in the name of “love” was, in a moment of helpless horniness, use facial wash in the absence of lubricant. We were too young to know that some spit would have sufficed, saving us both the pain.
But we’ve been with Chris for 5 years and a bit now.
So even if we’re a flawed human being who has had heaps of romantic failure, we’ll allow for a little reflection on what we like most about our relationship.
He likes making scrambled eggs for us; we like making adobo for him.
He likes to do the laundry; we like doing the pots and and pans.
He likes planning our treks and trips; we like planning our parties and social life.
We like watching Top Chef and Amazing Race together.
We both enjoy detective novels.
We sleep holding hands.
We like to tease each other.
We’re drinking buddies.
We’re best friends.
We could never fathom, young friend, how unhappy life might be if we were forced to “keep it on the down low” with our best friend.
Having found love is, in itself, worthy of celebration. Why hide?
Take to The Cockpit and map the endless sky with it.
Shout it out. Embrace it. Live it.