Word: Richard Smith

HATES

My First hate of Christmas is brussel sprouts – the vegetables of doom. A concentrated pungent cabbage whose overbearing flavour ruined Christmas dinner as my brother and I were made to eat them “otherwise no more gift opening!”

My Second hate of Christmas are cheesy Christmas songs. Like Cliff Richard Christmas classics (why someone soooo Christian made awful Christmas songs every year to line his pockets with gullible peoples hard earned cash still astounds me!).

My Third hate of Christmas is tacky decorations – oh yes, pink and silver Christmas trees, psychedelic mixtures of mismatched colours – no no no! Let’s keep things colour coordinated PLEASE!

My Fourth hate of Christmas is bumped up retail prices – tis the season for retailers to raise the prices of consumer goods to ensure your pockets empty faster.

My Fifth hate of Christmas is pointless Christmas cards – why buy Christmas cards for people you are seeing anyway when you exchange Christmas wishes? Surely a rainforest or two could be saved!

My Sixth hate of Christmas was the memory of my Dad being given the one year to go out gift buying. Totally got me wrong and bought me Battleships! Where was my fucking Barbie Doll!

My Seventh hate of Christmas was kissing my Auntie Ethel with the whiskers! Sadly she has passed away and although I miss her – the attack of her whiskers is not.

My Eighth hate of Christmas, war-like shopping escapades – fighting against the other shoppers as you speed around desperately trying to find the perfect gifts for your loved ones with a constant feeling of failure.

My Ninth hate of Christmas is Christmas coming early – I’m sure some stores in Hong Kong and abroad started decorating in early October!

My Tenth hate of Christmas is not having central heating – Hong Kong, when cold, seems to freeze the walls of my apartment making it sometimes colder inside than out!

My Eleventh hate of Christmas is being single – wouldn’t it be nice to have that special someone to snuggle up to for the day and lavish presents on!

My Twelfth hate of Christmas is that I rarely get to spend it with my family! Boo Hoo!

LOVE

My First love of Christmas is the pleasingly chilly weather especially after Hong Kong’s extremely steamingly hot summer this year!

My Second love of Christmas is Jazzy Christmas songs sung by the likes of Ella Fitzgerald and Bing Crosby (cheesy but in a good way).

My Third love of Christmas is children’s escalating excitement and amazement about the whole thing even when they don’t quite understand that they are being fooled by stories of Santa.

My Fourth love of Christmas is fireplaces – not that we need them much in Hong Kong but there’s nothing to make you feel cosy inside and out that to sit in front of a fireplace (my mate Jules bagged a great faux fireplace through asiaexpat…and it somehow ‘works’).

My Fifth love of Christmas are the numerous get-togethers with friends allowing you to celebrate and throw caution to the wind. Fun, frolics and Christmas cheer!

My Sixth love of Christmas is traditional Christmas dinner. A plateful of gluttony! I dream of turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, roast potatoes and parsnips, mince pies, pigs in blankets – the list is endless!

My Seventh love of Christmas is movie classics – not necessarily Christmas themed but things like Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Oliver! (the musical), Doctor Zhivago, White Christmas… watching them after the huge dinner and vegging on the couch…Bliss!

My Eighth love of Christmas is recounting Christmas stories from the past with friends and getting to know one another better and comparing families and traditions.

My Ninth love of Christmas, calling my family and speaking to them all whilst already pickled in Hong Kong as they get ready for their day and their big feast.

My Tenth love of Christmas is drinking hot alcoholic drinks like Rum Toddy, Mulled Wine and Irish Coffees!

My Eleventh love of Christmas, the endless amount of left over food that you can keep snacking on…plus the liqueur chocolates!

My Twelfth love of Christmas is planning for the New Year and building new hopes and dreams with optimistic vigour!

Do have yourselves a wonderful Christmas and New Year – and let’s hope all our New Year wishes come true… I have room in my bed in the hope that my wish is granted!