Gifts for the gays
Words: James Soo
Gimme all your lovin’, all your cash and diamonds too…
It’s the time for giving and for receiving. And I don’t mean Saturday night at Propaganda. It’s Christmas dummies! Zoo’s already put their decorations up, so it’s time for you to think about what you’re going to give the special gays in your life. But you’re busy. We’re all busy. So to help you out, we at DS have put together some faboooolussss ideas just for you.
This is first because let’s face it we’re all narcissistic as all hell. Apart from the obvious choices of Botox, Restylane and a gift certificate for a dodgy surgery in Thailand, the best new beauty gift idea to come through DS’s (gorgeous leather-lined, chrome-studded) doors of late has been these stunning leather pochettes from a new cosmetics company based out of Bali. These little travel kits are beautifully wrapped in a luxurious leather roll and contain the Organic Daily Face Smoothing Serum, the Organic Nightly Rejuvenation Serum and Argan Oil Anti-Frizz Hair Serum. Each product is totally organic – no nasties at all – and will leave you looking refreshed and wide awake after any flight. Oh and did we say how totally awesome they look?
Available online through www.enfants-paradis.com and stocked by Ka-pok.
It’s every gay man’s nightmare. You decide to indulge in some kinky shit and wake up to find yourself late for your facial and still handcuffed to the bed! Where the hell are the keys??? Well, this dapper gadget will unflap you. Looking like elegant simple cufflinks, the bar on each can swivel to become universal handcuff keys. Yes, that’s right. They unlock practically all handcuffs. So they’re also useful when Propaganda gets raided and you find yourself being led away in chains. One quick swivel, and you’re flying down Wyndham Street. Of course, you’ll have to practice the fiddly business of unlocking your handcuffs with a tiny cufflink, but I guess you can probably have quite a lot of fun doing that too.
Available online at www.sparrowslockpicks.com
I seriously hope no-one actually wears this tie, but it’s a good joke gift. Is your lover a twink? But do you actually want a rugged outdoorsy bear? Give him the OPUS Perfect Hairy Chest and Stomach Tie. Worn with a shirt, it actually does look like your lover has a hairy beefbottom bursting to come out of his shell. Actually, you know what I take that back. I want everyone to be wearing these damn ties. It’s still Movember after all, and I’m feelin’ kinda horny looking at all that thin, insipid eyelash growth people are calling their moustaches.
Available online at www.zazzle.com
Nowadays perfumes are becoming more and more unisex. In fact, men are buying more women’s perfumes than ever before, and that’s in no small part due to the efforts of LuckyScent.com, the online perfume retailer that specializes in stuff that’s a little more subtle than the usual healthy slathering of Abercrombie & Fitch that passes for perfume hereabouts. To celebrate their 10th anniversary, they’ve teamed up with two of the world’s top perfumers – Andy Tauer and Jerome Epinette – to come up with a set of 4 delicious fragrances that come packaged together as the Decennial Collection. Each is markedly different – Nuit Epicee is a spicy prelude to some good old-fashioned stalking, Santal Sacre’s incense notes are perfect for Sunday confession, Lys du Desert is full of desert flowers, and Bois Bourbon is suffused with the manliness of bourbon and saffron. Throw out your boytoy’s Joop! and get him some grown-up smells.
Available exclusively online at www.luckyscent.com
Briefs and boxers can be fiddly things, either when you’re stumbling around the loo in Volume, or when you’re trying to impress your new conquest. Make things easy on yourself with magnetic fastening underwear. No, seriously. James Tudor is one of the most innovative men’s underwear brands, and they’ve totally redesigned how we get our junks out of our trunks. These briefs (and they also come as boxer briefs) have a magnetic clasp, so there’s no more faffing around when you want to get it out quickly, for instance at a flash mob or circle jerk party. Oh and they also have some revolutionary cup thing as well, but as a friend once said to me – ‘why I like you is because you’re usually available’. One pop and you’ll be available too, making lots and lots of new friends.
Available online at www.jamestudoronline.com
I was trying to find a suitable gadget for gay men, and so I googled ‘gay gadgets’. Funnily enough, the first thing that came up was a pair of digital binoculars. What does the world think we do with our days??? Spy on our hot neighbours? Well, clearly the world read me right in this particular instance, because I like nothing better than to kick back on a Sunday with a cup of overpriced coffee and check out what my neighbours are doing. And with Sony’s new digital binoculars, I can do it in hi-res! And record HD video! Gaytube is going to be full of amateur neighbour videos before too long.
Available online at store.sony.com
Christmas isn’t complete without leather, as an ex-boyfriend once used to trill. But there’s a limit. Or is there? Perhaps the only object in your house that hasn’t received the fetish refurb is your keyboard. Your plain, boring keyboard. The object that you interact with more than anything else in your house, I expect. Well those pesky Japanese have come out with the Atelier Wazakura Honkawa 2 Keyboard, made of saddle leather that will make each tap a seductive pleasure. Hotto. I can’t wait to get my hairy man hands on this sexy leather bit of gorgeousness. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. And they also have the Kawanezumi mouse to go with it. Yum. Online porn will never be the same again.
Available online at www.jamestudoronline.com