Words: Jared Stalder

In 1963 Hollywood dropped in on a little known beach area on the coast of Mexico. It was a who’s who (or who’s sleeping with who) star fest that drew attention from around the world. Tennessee William’s play Night of the Iguana was being filmed and all the stars descended onto the jungles and beaches of Puerto Vallarta.

Richard Burton brought his lover, Elizabeth Taylor and out-of-the-closet Tennessee had his lover Freddy in tow. Eva Gardner and Deborah Kerr completed the entourage and I bet were fabulous fag hags. After the filming, many built houses and lived in the soon-to-become resort city. Puerto Vallarta would never be the same after that – tourists would arrive to soak up the rays just like the stars. While it’s not the “glamorous” retreat it was once considered if you squint you can almost see Elizabeth Taylor glistening on the beach. Oh no wait… that’s just a drag queen hawking jewelry.

GETTING THERE
PV isn’t an easy long-weekend getaway like Cebu or Phuket. Most flights to PV leave from the US (San Francisco, LA and Phoenix). It’s a short flight from the US west coast so it’s a perfect excursion if you’re planning a California trip. To include some city with sand consider combining it with a trip to cosmopolitan Guadalajara, Mexico – only three to four hours away from PV by first class bus.

SLEEP
There’s a full range of hotels in PV to fit your budget and required creature comforts. Quaint guest houses and budget hotels (and many gay-friendly hotels) can be found in the Zona Romantica. Four to five star establishments dominate the Zona Hotelera (as do Starbucks and designer shops). All-inclusive resorts (i.e. food, booze and hangover included) line the beaches of more remote Nuevo Vallarta where the only locals you’ll see are the maids.

Blue Chairs Beach Resort
Malecon 4, Zona Romantica
www.bluechairs.com

“Resort” is a bit of a stretch but this is THE gay hotel of PV. It boasts an excellent location in Zona Romantica, right on the gay beach. There’s a bar hosting popular drag performances and aggressive stripper nights. Kylie won’t be using the rooftop pool in a video anytime soon but why would you hang at the pool when there’s a beach 30 seconds away. The best part about staying here is joining the gay gaggle in the beach chairs (blue of course), charging cheap food and booze to your room and watching the meat market, um.. I mean brilliant sunset.

Villa David
Galeana 348, Gringo Gulch
www.villadavidpv.com

For something more intimate (in more than one way) this men only, clothing optional bed and breakfast is located in a slower paced neighborhood but only a few blocks to bars and beach. It’s a hacienda with character and not short on comforts such as a pool and Jacuzzi. It has a homey feel with traditional hardwood furniture and a leafy courtyard.

San Franciscan
Palitas 213, Zona Romantica
www.san-franciscan.com

For longer stays consider an apartment at this boutique condo-hotel. Sizes vary from studio to four bedroom/four bath suites– perfect for a group traveling together. All units have either a kitchenette or full kitchen. The pool is nicer than most in this price range and, for those who just can’t do without pumping iron, there’s a full gym.

EAT
Dining in PV ranges from five star ocean front restaurants to street taco stands. Being a beach city, seafood is the specialty and fine dining can be surprisingly inexpensive compared to home. I recommend having a large brunch, sunset dinner and a few snacks in between while sunning on the beach. For late night cravings post bar try out the food stalls in Zona Romantica on Ignacio Vallarta. “Burrito” and “taco” is pretty universal but pointing always works too.

Don’t be like Charlotte York-Goldenblatt and be overly concerned about eating the food in Mexico. To be on the safe side only eat fresh salads from nice restaurants and avoid ice in beverage… or just do what I do and kill everything with lime juice and alcohol.

Fredy’s Tucan
Basilio Badillo and Vallarta

This is PV’s version of a coffee shop and their breakfasts are popular with locals and tourists alike. Be adventurous and try out the Mexican breakfast dishes; you really can’t go wrong with salsa, eggs, cheese and beans. Nothing fancy here but you’ll leave full and with money in your wallet.

Apaches
Olas Altas 439

A favorite with the gays for early drinks and appetizers it always has full tables during their 2-for-1 happy hours. The food leaves a bit to be desired but after a few margaritas it doesn’t really matter.

Mariscos Polo’s
Francisco Madero 376

This is where to find some of the best tasting and best variety of seafood in PV. There are Mexican favorites as well as some fusion dishes borrowing flavors from Asian cuisine. My favorite is the garlic octopus but not recommended before the bars unless you’re trying to ward off vampires.

Vista Grill
Pulpito 377

For a romantic dinner head to this hillside view restaurant. Sip some cocktails while taking in the bay view and listening to live guitar solos. Food is fantastic though not too inventive with continental and local favorites.

SEE
Playa los Muertos around Blue Chairs (see above) is the place to be for gay fun in the sun. If you’re not staying at one of the hotels along the beach then you can use most beach chairs and umbrellas with a minimum food/booze purchase of about $120. On your way to/from los Muertos beach take a stroll around the cobble-stone streets of the Zona Romantica.

A walk along Isla Rio Cuale (a small “island” in the middle of the river that bisects PV) can be pleasant especially in the evenings. There are tons of stall, shops and restaurants to spend those pesos burning a hole in your pocket. It’s a bit touristy but well planned and a margarita rest can make anything more tolerable If it’s a rainy day or you want to break from the humidity there is the Museo Rio Cuale which holds a small collection of pre-Columbian ceramics.

A short bus ride down to the Mismaloya beach is well worth it. Not only is the beach less crowded and have fewer hawkers but this is where the ruins of The Night of the Iguana set is located. If that doesn’t excite you, head to the huge Hotel Jolla de Mismaloya and pay for a day pass to enjoy their swimming pools with swim-up bar and exclusive beach access. The waters here are calm and great for swimming and even snorkeling.

On the way to Mismaloya beach you won’t be able to miss Los Arcos, an ecopreserve of arching grottos made from sea rocks. Los Arcos has some of the best snorkeling in PV and while it can appear over-run by tourists there’s a lot of space and it’s a PV “must do”. Also popular are snorkeling trips to this area which can be booked at agencies all over town.

NIGHTLIFE
PV is pretty much THE gay beach destination of Mexico and there is plenty of nightlife. Things don’t get kickin’ until about midnight or later especially on the weekends. The music is usually a mix of top 40, Latin pop (who knew Shakira had that many songs) with some annoying cumbia-cum-techno that sounds a bit like carnival music on speed. There are tons of small gay bars and a handful of larger clubs. It’s pretty easy to bar hop since there are all located in the gay area (Zona Romantica).

Two of the busiest clubs are Paco’s Ranch and Club Manana. The latter is a hacienda complete with a pool surrounded by a garden courtyard. Paco’s Ranch is smaller and a more typical two-storey club but there’s always a good drunken mix of gringos and locals. Be warned that while the drag shows can be entertaining they don’t break up the performances– expect an hour or more of lip-syncing Latina divas.